Tuesday, 19 January 2010

disaster

Absolute fucking disaster. I purged, now I am a complete and total mess.

That was my first proper binge since well before christmas, I am so disappointed.

I cannot believe it came on by just being in the house alone, how weak am I.

I broked my veganism as well which had been going so well all week, just so I could stuff my face withe cereal, which frankly doesnt even taste that nice.

I have now blown my boyfriend off aswell, we had plans, but instead I'm sat here alone purging and now going to do a crazy amount of exercise to burn off the damage.

I feel really shitty, actually I am really shitty, I am a terrible person, I have lied to him for the millionth time and I cannot do it anymore, I cannot do this anymore.

I fucking hate purging, its disgusting, its terrible for your health, and I refuse to ever do it again.

This is an epic fail, it has reminded me how much of a failure I am and at the end of the day what is the result....I am alone....If this continues I will end up alone, there's only so much of my shit that people can take, this must stop now. Sorry, self-pitying rant over.

5 comments:

  1. purging really is the worst.. nothing good comes of it and it always leaves you feeling worse afterwards
    and i'm so sorry you had such a bad day ): maybe tomorrow will be super good to make up for it!
    hang in there, things will get better, i swear

    xo

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  2. HEY.

    YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.

    YOU ARE NOT A TOTAL MESS.

    YOU ARE NOT REALLY SHITTY.

    just thought I would let you know :)

    This is one mistake. Everyone makes mistake. Hel I've made thousands of mistakes. but it doesnt matter. tomorrow is another day. you can do better tomorrow.

    I have faith in you.

    Andy

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  3. Hey... we are around the same size... I just wanted to say that I binge every. single. night. on shit food. Like thousands of calories of shit food.

    cookies
    bread
    snacky cakes

    horrible, disgusting things that I would NEVER EVER eat in the day time, EVER. I am an ANGEL in the daytime, but I cant EVER control myself at night... all night long, it's horrible.

    You are not disgusting. You lost control ONCE. You're amazing and you won't do it again.. <3

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  4. Thanks for the support guys, today has been a much better day :) take care. x

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