Tuesday, 26 January 2010

I wanna have control...

Right fucked up for the final time. Huge binge. Then purged. I hate this. I hate myself.

I am no longer living, I am in a state of simply existing. My eating disorder has taken over my life, and every day has become a constant struggle. I don't want to live life like this, I want to enjoy every second of life, but this constant battle with myself has taken over. My life is a misery. The only way out of this is to become thin.

New Rules:
1. Only Vegan Food
2. No junk food i.e high in fat/sugar
3. No purging
4. Only eat when hungry
5. Drink water if hungry and wait 30 mins to see if hunger subsides
6. No eating after 7
7. Anything I eat that breaks these rules will go on the banned list, and I won't be allowed them at all.

Banned List.
  • Biscuits
  • Alpen
  • Special K
  • Oatcakes
  • Marmalade
  • Jam
  • Cereal Bars
The aim is to only eat when hungry, to try and eat like a normal person, rather than either eating nothing at all or stuffing my face.

I am fed up of every day being a failure. I am starting now, and I will not fail. I will be thin.


  1. Loving your banned list.
    Keep me updated if it changes, stick to the rules, and trust me, things will begin to work themselves out.
    Stay strong darling x

  2. Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll be ok