Tough Week

This weeks been really tough...The illness of last week developed in the worst cold I have ever had in my life, unfortunately I have had to work every single day, and could not call in sick....so I haven't been able to rest up as I would have liked....Working 10 hour shifts, standing on my feet all day, means I have been consuming a fair amount of calories...I come home at lunch and when I finish and I am just so hungry.

Haven't done any exercise since Tuesday as I feel like shit.

Intake has been ok: 1300 weds and thurs and 1600 ish today, not bad...though I thought that as I was ill it would kill my appetite and I would not eat much but it seems to have worked the opposite way. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day, and I will hopefully feel better, and start again.

Right now I feel huge...
I have no idea what I weigh...
This terrifies me.

Fucks sake

1600 calories....Not happy at all....No exercise....Super disappointing.

I hate this feeling. When I stop and realise what I have consumed and it is too fucking late, the damage is done. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to make it up. So annoying, I cannot will not keep failing like this.

I will use the last few days as say a rest period or a short break, designed to keep my metabolism high, hopefully now when I drop back into eating under 1000 again (from tomorrow!!) my weight will continue to fall instead of platueaing.

I need to exercise so badly, but my body is telling me its too soon after being ill, maybe I will just do half an hour on the wii fit or something..

I have just had travel jabs. I am going to south america in April so I thought I better get them started, now my arms hurt...ow!

Anyway, tomorrow will be better, because I refuse to settle at this weight.

 I will be thin.
I will be thin.
I will be thin.

Down days

I've struggled with my intake the last few days, it has not been especially high: between 1100-1400 the last 3 days. I just have not managed to do any exercise at all, so I am feeling kind of sluggish.

I am really not feeling fantastic after being ill, it has taken its toll big time, I just feel completely wiped out at the moment. Hopefully as the week progresses I will be able to get back to doing some light exercise.

Weighed myself this morning, still at 118lbs which is fine because I think my intake has been too high and I have not been burning off as much as I would like.

Some days I don't hate myself every waking second of the day, sometimes I feel actually maybe I don't look so bad at this weight...I've just felt a bit low the last few days...I feel absolutely huge...I just find it hard to do anything or be around people at all when i feel like that...

I think I am going out for a meal with the boyfriend for lunch tomorrow (great! Calories), hopefully I will just eat half of it, and then I won't eat for the rest of the day, I want to keep my intake under 1000.

Another pound down.

Weighed myself this morning and I was 118 pounds, lost another pound...glad to be back under 8 and a half stone.

I do not think I am going to weigh for the rest of the week though, as I am on my period (2 months in a row, wow!) and I know sometimes this can affect body weight, something to do with water retention, so I will probably wait until it is over to weigh next.

Anyway I am gradually incorporating more foods back into my diet. I had some weetabix, soy milk and strawberries this morning, so I will see how the body reacts to that.

I am pleased with my progress so far, lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks, and hopefully I can keep it up.

Next goal is 116 pounds, which was my maintence weight for probably about a year or so. No matter how hard I tried I could never get under that weight, until I got sick and managed to drop below that finally. Anyway this time around I hope i do not plateau.

I think its important to keep mixing up routine, with different amounts of calories and exercises just to keep the metabolism high.

Oh and thanks for following me, I really enjoy all of your blogs.
Think thin.

Hooray for being ill

Went over again! Around 1600 cals. fail. I guess would be around 1400 with the walking I did this morning, which is way too high. Went into work, felt awful and had to leave early, think I have a bug or a virus, anyway I'm fasting tomorrow to try and kill it off as its been lingering since Saturday now. Serves me right for going over my intake, hopefully will lose some weight too.

119lbs

Definitely under 120lbs hooray! Weighed again this morning and I am at 8st7 which I'm quite pleased with.

Had to go to the doctors this morning to get blood test results back (the history here being that I didn't have a period in 6 months, however, since having the blood tests I have had a period), but I had to walk as the snow is so bad, it took me an hour and a half to get there and back, I've never seen the snow this bad... Anyway all my blood tests were normal except my white blood cell count so I had to have it done again...Stupidly I didn't have breakfast before I went and I came home and have been absolutely famished the whole morning.

Cals. at 650 at the moment after lunch, so aiming for under 1000, burnt off 250 with the walking aswell :) I'm feeling pretty strong today, hope it stays that way.

Dammit

I weighed myself again today, it is almost like its completely unconscious, I'm not even aware I'm doing it, and then its too late. This is really ridiculous, I cannot even go a day without stepping on the scales. I am trying, really I am, but I just feel massively out of control when I don't weigh myself.

Today has been successful, around 800-900 calories, did not do any exercise though, as I'm still feeling a bit under the weather after yesterday, must have a bug of some sort. Was on my feet in work for 6 hours though, so hopefully burnt a little bit. I'm feeling really shattered tonight, my bed is calling...

Caved

I gave in, had to weigh myself! After my mini-binge I am 120lbs, which is another pound lost, and so close to the teens :) I'm pleased with, but it could of been even better had I not had that setback this morning.  I think i'm going to try and weigh myself every other day, instead of once a week, its just too hard at first.

Just went for a long walk and about 5 minutes from home started to feel really unwell, came back and have really bad cramps and was really sick, don't know if this is food related or a bug of some sort. Anyway I shan't be eating for the rest of the day because of it. This will leave me around just over 1000 cals. minus the walking leaves me at around 850 not bad all things considered.

Must Stop Weighing Myself Several times a day

Right, I have had enough, I cannot take continuously looking at the scales and seeing the same weight.

I am giving up my love affair with the scales, and I refuse to use them any more than once a week.

This is going to be extremely difficult for me as I am usually on them several times daily, so I'm just going to take it one day at a time, and avoid them, as I feel like they are really holding me back.

Goodbye scales, see you on the 13th.

2lbs lighter

Just got off the wii fit, and it informs me that I have lost 2lbs, which was that was my aim for about a week and a half from now, so I am really pleased. I am down to 8st 9 (121 lbs), so the next target is to be 8st 7 within the next two weeks, which was always a pivotal weight for me.

When I was at my lowest weight, I always thought of 8st 7 as my upper boundary, that if I reached that point, enough would be enough and I wouldn't gain any more, however I sadly let myself go way over that this summer. It's sad really, and in fact I am pretty furious with myself, because it took a huge amount of work to get down to 109 lbs and now I'm having to put all that hard work in again, but at least when i reach my goal of 105 I'll know that i've worked bloody hard to get there, and all the hard work will have payed off.

After going through all the effort to lose the weight for a second time, I can't really see myself being too eager to jump back into old habits, so hopefully I will be able to maintain at this lower weight.

This one's for keeps.

The amount of blogs I have set up in the recent past to catalog my weight problems/loss/exercise etc etc is unreal, yet I have managed to not keep any of them. So this time its different, my resolution shall be to keep this one up for the year, or at least until I reach a point in my life where I feel I have control and feel comfortable enough to not need this anymore.

So my weight journey, well...I was sort of large-ish about 3 years ago or so, at the time I never realised I was big, I look back at photos now and feel repulsed at the sight I see, but I literally did not realise until I lost weight, how big I was. Anyway at my highest I was around 10st 7 getting on for 11st. In my first year of uni I got really sick and lost about a stone in a weekend, I then realised that I looked and felt alot better, and so I started to eat alot healthier, the weight fell off very quickly, and soon I was aiming to get under 9st, it took me a little while but I felt great at finally getting under that barrier, however this was soon not enough and I found myself wanting to get below this, my weight finally plateaued at 8st 4 but I got sick again, and it dropped to under 8st, which felt fabulous, I felt amazing. My lowest weight I then reached was 7st 11, sadly I then rediscovered food, I think in some ways it has been a comfort thing since I finished uni and my brother moved away to uni I have been very lonely. My weight in the last 6 months has shot back up to 8st 11, I am absolutely fed up, and have completely lost control, I have binged at times and have at times also made myself sick to control this. I cannot take the image staring back at me in the mirror anymore, and I feel huge and disgusting. So this is where this is now coming to an end, because I am sick of feeling so out of control.

Christmas has been a bit of a disaster, but this is the end now... so from new years day I am becoming a vegan, partly as a way of being healthier and controlling my weight and also partly because of my hatred for the dairy industry...Anyway enough of that, my goal is to get back to the weight I was, and I will catalog my progress (fingers crossed) on this blog. So there we have it, new years day cannot come soon enough, and i cannot wait to start now.