Fucks sake

1600 calories....Not happy at all....No exercise....Super disappointing.

I hate this feeling. When I stop and realise what I have consumed and it is too fucking late, the damage is done. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to make it up. So annoying, I cannot will not keep failing like this.

I will use the last few days as say a rest period or a short break, designed to keep my metabolism high, hopefully now when I drop back into eating under 1000 again (from tomorrow!!) my weight will continue to fall instead of platueaing.

I need to exercise so badly, but my body is telling me its too soon after being ill, maybe I will just do half an hour on the wii fit or something..

I have just had travel jabs. I am going to south america in April so I thought I better get them started, now my arms hurt...ow!

Anyway, tomorrow will be better, because I refuse to settle at this weight.

 I will be thin.
I will be thin.
I will be thin.

Struggling

I've felt like I am struggling for the last few days now, weight is down to 8 and a half stone (119 lbs) and I feel like I've kind of settle there and started eating too much again.

Sunday was 900 cals. (fine), yesterday I had to have dinner with the boyfriend so it was around 1300 and today has been a bit of a fail, due to mixed fruit and nut!! Error buying that! Prob around 1600.ish, which is awful, and highest intake since before I started the health kick, really disappointed.

Snow has been awful again today, had to walk home from work which took around 50 mins, at least would have burnt some calories.

Back to hard work again tomorrow I think, I will not settle for 8st7lb. I must be thin.

This one's for keeps.

The amount of blogs I have set up in the recent past to catalog my weight problems/loss/exercise etc etc is unreal, yet I have managed to not keep any of them. So this time its different, my resolution shall be to keep this one up for the year, or at least until I reach a point in my life where I feel I have control and feel comfortable enough to not need this anymore.

So my weight journey, well...I was sort of large-ish about 3 years ago or so, at the time I never realised I was big, I look back at photos now and feel repulsed at the sight I see, but I literally did not realise until I lost weight, how big I was. Anyway at my highest I was around 10st 7 getting on for 11st. In my first year of uni I got really sick and lost about a stone in a weekend, I then realised that I looked and felt alot better, and so I started to eat alot healthier, the weight fell off very quickly, and soon I was aiming to get under 9st, it took me a little while but I felt great at finally getting under that barrier, however this was soon not enough and I found myself wanting to get below this, my weight finally plateaued at 8st 4 but I got sick again, and it dropped to under 8st, which felt fabulous, I felt amazing. My lowest weight I then reached was 7st 11, sadly I then rediscovered food, I think in some ways it has been a comfort thing since I finished uni and my brother moved away to uni I have been very lonely. My weight in the last 6 months has shot back up to 8st 11, I am absolutely fed up, and have completely lost control, I have binged at times and have at times also made myself sick to control this. I cannot take the image staring back at me in the mirror anymore, and I feel huge and disgusting. So this is where this is now coming to an end, because I am sick of feeling so out of control.

Christmas has been a bit of a disaster, but this is the end now... so from new years day I am becoming a vegan, partly as a way of being healthier and controlling my weight and also partly because of my hatred for the dairy industry...Anyway enough of that, my goal is to get back to the weight I was, and I will catalog my progress (fingers crossed) on this blog. So there we have it, new years day cannot come soon enough, and i cannot wait to start now.