Fail.

1600 calories for today was fine...2100 is not....epic fail....not even a binge...just randomly picking at stuff, this always happens when I work in the day, when I come home later.

At least it was not anything I would classify as bad food, it was just high calorie food: houmous, almonds, apricots etc....grrrr.

I'm starting over tomorrow, I feel like the cupboards are bare enough for me to be able to succeed (I seem to always find something else!) But not this time, I will not fail.

This last week has really set me back.

I need to be 8st by the 11th February, I am meeting up with uni friends and I do not want them to see me like this.

So, starting now...back to restricting. I hate food. Tomorrow I have to have dinner with the boyfriend which will be around 4-500 cals, so I'm going to try and get under 800. Wish me luck.

Mini-Fail

Yesterday went well, I managed to avoid the cheesecake, and my overall cals. were around 1000 which I was pleased with considering it must have been massively higher than this the previous 2 weeks thanks to Christmas.

Today was going really well I was on 700 cals. for the day, however I had a bit of a mini-crisis when my friend in work, who is a vegan, brought me some vegan cookies and a vegan muffin that his mum had made for me. The gesture was extremely sweet, but sort of ruined my restricting for today as I failed and  ate them all :( I figured this didnt push my calories up to a massive high amount, prob around 1300 I guess, also I've been on my feet constantly moving in work for 8 hours so I figure that must have burnt off a little bit as well. At least the cakes are gone now, and they didn't trigger an all out binge which was good. However, if I was at home at the time, I definitely would have purged, being in work stopped me, which i'm glad about, because i bloody hate purging.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a pretty low cal day and I'm going to try and get some exercise in too, I think its still too icy to start running again, so I think I'll probably spend some time on the wii fit.

I shall resist the cheesecake

My mum has made an absolutely massive homemade cranberry and pecan cheesecake, and I won't be having any of it :) I feel like something has really clicked in me today, and like I have my old willpower and strength to resist back, I know that as soon as I complete one day of restricting, I will be strong enough to continue it right through, and be patient enough to wait to see results.

Final Countdown

So this is it the final 24 hours of eating unhealthily, to be honest I am pretty fed up with all food right now, so restricting might start early anyway. I don't want to eat anymore, and for me this is a huge step, and a great feeling. I've spent the last 3 years of my life existing off a very limited number of calories, however the last 6 months I have fallen completely off the wagon. I do not remember where or why I started to consume more and more food, and the bad types of food, but I feel like I lost all control over my eating. I have always eaten very healthily, I am very conscious about what I put into my body, but the last 6 months has almost been like I have given up on myself, why would I eat and put so much rubbish into my body, its not even like I could say it tastes nice, because frankly it doesn't. I just cant figure out what happened, the last 6 months are a blur, and a period in my life that I would rather forget. It is time to regain control over my weight and over my life.

I hate Christmas

Why is there so much shit in the house around christmas time, its not that i cant resist it, its not even that it tastes nice, i just want to eat it so that it is gone. Tomorrow is the last day for eating unhealthily, and today I have been shovelling in biscuits and sweets, which is not good at all. However if the christmas period has achieved anything then it is that i have become completely fed up of food, so hopefully this will be beneficial when I start restricting again on the 1st Jan. Cannot wait to start now, just 2 more days...just got to get rid of all this shit food first.