Day 1

Intake so far:
Porridge with soy milk + half a banana : 270
Pineapple: 50

Just been for a 3 mile run burning 300 calories

I intend on combining lunch and dinner by having food mid-afternoon, thus eliminating the need for both. Going to have tofu with stir fried veg which will be under 250. Will update later.

 So in Total:
Above plus:

Tofu with Stir Fried Veg: 200
Clementines: 50
Sugar Free Jelly:10
Pomegranate:70

Overall 650. Minus the 300 from running = 350. nice.

Ready to go tomorrow

All ready to start tomorrow, aiming for my goal of 105lbs...I don't think I can face weighing myself until at least a few good days, I think I am heavier than I have been for a long long time right now, but thats about to change. So rules:

No dairy
No junk food
Nothing with Palm Oil in it
No eating after 7
Mixing calorie intake up between under 800 one day, and the next under 1200. Never over 1200.
Must exercise every day, 3 mile runs or the gym, only allowed 1 rest day a week.

New Beginning

Just realised how stupid giving up things for new year and lent really is...If I want to make changes to my life then I should just do it and have the will power to carry them through. I've had a rough month, and I feel like I am just about reaching a lowest ebb. I have no idea how much I weigh, though I feel absolutely massive and pretty fed up. I was a perfect weight in the summer and I have blown it all, but this stops now, I dont want to be massive, I dont want to be average, I want to be thin again, and the only way I am going to do that, is through fucking hard work and dedication, and I am ready to make that commitment. I have 3 weeks til my birthday, so the target will be to be under 8st7, because i have no idea how much I weigh right now, and I am too scared to even check...sick. Im feeling rubbish right now, Im too ashamed to see anyone, even my boyfriend, because I feel too massive, Im sick of shutting people out of my life because of this. Anyway, rant over. Main point is I am making changes to my life and they are starting now.

Starting over

this is getting ridiculous now, yesterday i ate like 2000 cals, massively binged on cereal and today exactly the same, yesterday i purged, today i didnt, and i feel so full and sick. im not purging today, i need to know that its not ok to do that. going to exercise lots instead today, 3 mile run and gym later i think, im fed up of having one good day and then falling down again, i want my control back.

zig-zag

Im going to try and zig zag my calories to keep my body guessing and keep my metabolism high, so one day will be under 1000 the next between 1200-1500. Hope this works.

Good Start

Had a great day today

Intake:
Rice and Buckwheat Porridge made with Soya milk: 220 cals.
Strawberries: 20
1/2 grapefruit: 40
200g Carrots: 40
Houmous: 120
Rye Crackers: 80
5 dried Apricots: 40
Green Tea
Veggie Burger: 60
Baked Beans: 100
Orange: 40
2 Clementines: 50
Handful of Carrots: 10

Overall: 820

I went for a 3 mile run burning just under 300 calories, and I have also been in work on my feet walking round for 7 hours, so overall intake is very low for today, which is great, need to keep up the good start tomorrow.

I suck

I just completely destroyed my lent with a massive binge, I had done so well for a week, im super pissed off now. Im not purging, because the last time i did it there was blood in it, so im not doing that, which means i am going to put a load of weight on after today! I was fine up until lunchtime then i made lunch and from there i just lost control, i kept going back into the kitchen to get more and more, it was gross. The attitude was well ive already fucked up might as well carry on. The binge from what i can remember included:

6 Mini Pitta's
4 Crackers
Jam
2 Rocky Biscuit Bars
2 Chewy cereal bars
1 Fruity cereal bar
3 Ginger cream biscuits
Golden Syrup
1 Slice of bread
A bowl of alpen

I think that was it. Gross. Unneccesary. For this I am starting over Lent tomorrow, I will have to do the whole week over again. Plus more rules. Now I will stick to eating 3 meals a day with one morning snack at 11 and one afternoon snack at 4. I will not be allowed to eat anything after 7. Oh also, Im not eating anything with palm oil in it, Ive just watched this panorama program on palm oil industry and it is horrific what is happening in Borneo, so I have stopped eating anything with that in.

Im so annoyed, I just feel like I am going backwards all the time. January was great but February has truly sucked. I haven't been able to exercise either, because I've been really sick since having yellow fever jab.

Tomorrow starts a new day and a new me, the goal will be 1,100 calories, No going over. Cant wait to start over.

3 days in

3 days into lent, going well. Intake has been a little high around 1500 ish. but no binges and sticking to everything, been completely vegan and no junk.

Im in work most of the day tomorrow and sunday so will try to keep my intake around 1200.

In other good news got my third blood test back today and thankfully it is all normal :)

Need to go for a run/go to the gym tomorrow, have not exercised since tuesday, as I feel all achy and tired after second travel jabs. Hopefully will have a good sleep and feel better tomorrow.

Looking forward to a good weekend of weight loss.

Lent

Right so for lent giving up:

All non-vegan food
Bread
Cake
Crisps
Biscuits
Cereal
Chocolate

Cannot wait to be thin again :)

Huge Binge

Absolutely massive binge, been eating all day...probably consumed over 5000 calories...gross. Absolutely gross. Started to purge but stopped myself. I am going to start lent early, i.e tomorrow.

So for Lent, I am giving up:

• Binging
• Purging
• Everything that is not vegan
• Cereal
• Bread
• Any cake or biscuit
• Crisps

I believe that is it. So there we go...Lent has started now. I gave up bread, cake, biscuits, crisps etc for last lent and managed to go from 8st 4 to 7st 11 so hopefully this will happen again.

Right now, I feel pretty horrible, I feel like the last two weeks have been a total disaster and I have probably put back on most of the weight I have lost. I honestly do not know where my willpower or self control have gone. Disappointing. I am going to work twice as hard from here on out.

I am going to have such a food hangover tomorrow! I deserve it, for being a fat pig.

I entered the sport relief mile earlier, I am doing the 6 miles, which is a 10k, I have never run this far before and never entered a race before, so I will be in pretty hard training to get ready for it, Ran 2 miles today, will do that for the rest of the week, and then step up an extra mile week by week, I have 5 weeks to get in good shape.

Going to start planning out my calories and meals, I refuse to go over the calorie intake.

So this week:

Sunday: (Its valentines, so have to go out for a meal, so will have low intake all day, then have some food later) 1,400
Monday: 900
Tuesday: 1200
Wednesday: 800
Thursday: 1000
Friday: 1200
Saturday:900

Plan for tomorrow:
Fresh fruit salad: Apple, Clementine, 1/2 Grapefruit. 130 Cals.
Lunch: 1/2 Bgty Soup. 60 Cals. 2 Rye Crackers 80 cals.
Snack: Carrots and houmous. Cals 130.
Dinner: (going to an indian, so will allow Tarka Daal, Small amount of rice, and some poppadoms) Prob around 1000 ish.

Here we go again.

few days off

I've fallen off the wagon, think I am going to take a few days off, allow myself whatever I want, then I am going to kick start again for lent. I am going completely vegan for lent, and I am giving up cereal, going to be hard, but I know I can do it.

Bad Week

Just got back from London, stayed with my brother. Had a good week. Consumed far too much food though. Not really bad food, just too much of it, far too many carbs.

Have no idea what I weigh, might leave it until Sunday to check, I feel pretty massive right now. Cannot wait to start exercising again now.

At the moment I feel like I want to eat like a normal person, though I know this feeling probably will not last. Right now, I feel ok, I just want to be more toned, so I'm getting on the exercising tomorrow.

Hope I haven't put on too much weight, for some reason I feel like I've put on loads, though going on my intake, I should of not put on more than a pound. Sigh.

115

115lbs today after the last few days of ill health. Have been quite bad this morning though...Im on like 1100 calories and its 8.45 in the morning, havent binged, just eaten quite calorific foods. I am off to London soon, I probably wont eat anything else today, and i am going to try and sneak a run in if i have time. See you in a few days. 

Horrendous 24 hours

What an epic 24 hours.

Overall cals yesterday was around 1600, which was fine, though I ate too much fruit. Went to work, I felt a bit poorly. Gradually as my shift went on, I felt worse and worse. I was just trying to get through my shift and get home without being sick. Managed to make it home, then was horrendously sick, I mean like projectile vomit, like the fiercest and most horrific sick I have ever had in my life. I was sick again later but managed to sleep through the night. I have no idea whether it was something I ate, or a bug or something.

This morning I had to get up super early for work, I had to pull an 8 1/2 hour shift (my type of work is that which I am on my feet all the time and constantly moving around).

All I have eaten in the last 27 hours is a banana sandwich for dinner. Fingers crossed I will have lost some weight.

It is always horrible to be sick, but I know that I usually lose weight when I am sick like this. However, I want to lose weight on my own terms and not rely on one-offs like this.

Run Forrest

Bit of a Forrest Gump moment...I just went for a walk, which suddenly turned into a run, and I ran all the way round my route. I must have looked ridiculous in jeans and converse. Pleased though, first run since mid-december, due to my health problems...It was only 2 miles but its a good start. I hope the body feels ok tomorrow.

Would be fine alone

I think my problem is that I still live with my parents, so the house is always full of food. If I lived alone I could make sure that I would only have the foods I want as I never buy bad foods.

Today is not bad, not good either. On 1350, mostly fruit actually. I just want it to be under 1600 today. I am going for a walk now.

Weetabix is my trigger

Weetabix is definitely a huge trigger for me, I cannot have it in the house any longer. Once it is gone, I am not buying it again. As much as I love it.

Lied

Lied to everyone including myself: I purged slightly this afternoon, not much because I knew my mum was coming home. I feel very frustrated with myself. Im super annoyed. I am not giving in to this, I refuse to stop here. I went 3 days, which is rubbish. I said that February is going to be good, and I still believe that. Just have to start over tomorrow. I do not want to be beaten by this. I am stronger than this. I have self-control. I have will-power. I am strong. I will be thin.

Damage

Feel sick now. I refuse to purge though. Regret all this now, but its yet again too late. February has started tres badly.

Damage:
raisins
3 weetabix
blueberries
bowl of just right cereal

1/2 grapefruit
apricot


bowl of just right
3 weetabix

2 small tangerines


this is where the binge started:


homous
mushrooms
carrot
3 weetabix
2 bowls of bran flakes
cranberries
tofu cutlet
corn on the cob
2 slices of bread (i dont even like bread)
banana
dairy free chocolate chips

Shameful.

All this amounts to somewhere around 2300 calories! Nightmare. Also i haven't even had dinner yet, and I am supposed to be cooking for my boyfriend. What a fucking nightmare.

binged.

fail.

Yesterday

Yesterday was good :D 1100 cals. Could of been under 1000, but I was starving after work so had a fair bit of fruit.

Intake:
3 Weetabix: 180
Blueberries: 20

Bowl of just right cereal: 145

3 Rye crackers: 120
Houmous: 120
Watercress: 6
Carrot Dippers: 20
Kalamata Olives: 20
Plum: 20
Small apple: 60

2 Linda McCartney Sausages: 200
Watercress: 8
Mushrooms: 30
Tomatoes:5
2 Small Clementines: 25

1/2 Pink grapefruit: 40
Apricot: 20
Carrot: 30
2 Tiny Tangerines: 20
Pickle Onions: 5
Handful of Raisins:80


Good day.

Day 2

1300 today, not bad, had two bowls of cereal this afternoon though, which was not intended, but at least I didn't binge. At the moment I am happy as long as I am binge free and under 1600 cals.

Intake:

2 Shredded Wheat:150
Blueberries:20

4 Small pieces of Veggie Sushi: 120
Roasted red pepper houmous: 180
Carrot dippers: 40

2 Bowls of Just Right Cereal: 300 (Annoyed at this, was unneccessary)

Tangerine:15
Grissini Breadstick: 30
Pickled Onions: 15
Plum:15

Tofu: 120
Stir Fried Veg: 100
Stir Fry Sauce: 25

Kalamata Olives: 25
Green Tea: 1
Clementine: 20

1300 Cals.

Good day. Except the cereal.Obv.

Day 1

Good day today....In fact it could of been a lot better, but I will settle for 1100 calories.

No exercise yet as I am still recovering, I just hope that day by day I am feeling better.  Worked for 8 hours though, constantly moving on my feet.

Weighed myself this morning, still 116 post binge, which means I probably weighed less than that pre-binge :( Bad times.

Oh well, I am back on top of things now, February is going to be a great month, fully vegan and no binges :)

Todays Intake:             

2 Weetabix  : 120 Cals.
Raisins        :  45
Apple          :  80

Tofu Cutlet          :    260
Lettuce                :    8
Rye Crackers       :   80
Mango Chutney   :   30
Marmalade           :   40
Pickled Onions     :   3
Grissini Breadstick : 20

Green Tea : 1

Tomato and lentil soup :  80
2 Tangerines                 : 30
Cherry Tomatoes          :  6
Celery                           :  3
Carrot Batons                : 11
Roasted Red Pepper Houmous : 253 (Didn't intend on having this at all, so bit of a slip up)
2 Kalamata Olives       :5

Total:1100


Success.

Damage Done

Possibly just had the worst ever binge of my life, im not even sure why it happened, I think i'm just fed up of being ill, not being able to exercise, and anxious about whether there is anything wrong with me.

Binge Intake: 375g of maple pecan crisp cereal (NOT VEGAN!) pretty much the whole box!
2 bowls of cornflakes, maybe even 3...memory is hazy
4 shredded wheat
a ton of soy milk

Absolutely disgusting. The whole time I continued to eat, I told myself I would not purge, then I felt so gross, I had to, but after attempting to purge I stopped myself. I took a step back and looked at myself. Head over toilet bowl. I felt so ashamed. I don't want this to be my life. I will not let it be my life. Its beginning to happen far too often. I refuse to ever purge again ( i realise i have said this around 5 times in the last month). I will weigh myself tomorrow, so I can learn the damage of the binge, and hopefully that will encourage me not to do it again.

Im sick of failing. February is not off to a good start. So I want to go for the rest of the month with no more binges, anybody with me? I have a week til im going away and I want to be 8st 2. Do-able...I hope today hasn't derailed it too much.

I'm going to start posting my daily intake on here now, hopefully it will encourage me to stay on track with restricting again.

I definitely won't be eating again until at least tomorrow morning.