ill

Have been ill all weekend, really bad stomach pains, hopefully will have lost some weight, but one benefit has been that i have absolutely no appetite at all for the last 3 days, I have completely gone off all food...result! I am ready to start reverse 2468 tomorrow. 800 calories tomorrow, and hopefully a run if I am feeling better.

Starting 2468 tomorrow

Having a maintenance day today, and I have to go out for food with the boyfriend later, so I am starting 2468 tomorrow, cannot wait to get started on this. 5 weeks before I go away, 5 weeks to get in shape.

2468

I've had an awful day, binged really badly, I think once I had gone over the 300, it was like well it's too late, might as well completely mess the day up. Also I purged, first time in ageeeeees, really disappointed. Anyway i've been thinking and I don't think there is anyway I am going to be able to carry on ABC without my family noticing, so I am going to do 2468 instead, i'm doing it in reverse though, 800-600-400-200. Starting tomorrow.

Day 3

Wow. Day 3 was supposed to be 300 calories, I am on 1500 and it is 9.30am! Shocking. I just felt really really hungry this morning, I am back at home, whereas the last two days I have been at my boyfriends, plus my mum has just been grocery shopping, cue no control around the cereal. Anyway I am not going to eat anything else today, and I am going for a really long run, my longest I usually do is 6 miles which burns just under 600 cals, so with that I will be on 900 still massively over target, so I am just going to go out and try and run as far as I can, perhaps I will go the gym after work this evening to burn the extra. I am annoyed at myself, because I was doing really well, and I was down to 122 pounds this morning, but I'm not going to stay negative or frustrated, its a mini-setback a small blip, and I will just get back on tomorrow and work even harder.

Day 2

Going well so far... ate the same lunch as yesterday which means I am on 200 calories, got up to 300 for dinner, which will be fine. Feel ok at the moment actually, not hungry or anything which is good, filling up with water and green tea is helping with that I guess. No exercise today, the weather is too bad, so I will run tomorrow instead. Have work tonight so that will keep me occupied. ABC starts to get hard tomorrow with a drop down to 300 so I guess I will have to figure out some low calorie meals, and decide whether I want to split the calories across the day or just have one meal...hmmmm. In other news i weighed myself, 124 pounds ew, I would like to be 120 by the weekend.

Update:
Had porridge for dinner with soya milk and a banana.
Then had some sugar free jelly and one strawberry.
About 525 calories overall. I feel very empty right now :) Cant wait to see some results.

Tomorrow is going to be difficult, im thinking either two 150 cal meals, or 100 cals and then 200 cals for dinner later, Im hoping to go for a run too, so if i do that then i might allow myself a few more cals.

Day 1

Started ABC today. I went for a 3.5 mile run this morning, on completely empty :) For lunch i had soup and 2 rice cakes which makes 200 calories today so far, so i have up to 300 left for dinner, which will be fine. great start.

Update:

Just had dinner
Linda McCartney Veggie Sausages
Cabbage and Leek
Carrots
Broccoli

Altogether days intake just about dead on 500, minus the 350 from the run, makes for a very successful day :)

Back

I am back. I am really struggling still, and am lingering around 124 pounds a.k.a. fat!

I am starting ABC tomorrow, i have about 5 weeks before i go travelling, so it will be interesting to see how much i can lose.

ABC Plan:
day1: 500 calories(or less)
day2: 500 calories(or less)
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Have to Leave

I have to leave this blog behind me. I had one great month in January, but since then I have epically failed, I am just getting worse and worse, my binges are getting worse, I cannot be in the house alone anymore. Every time i try to start over, I last one or two days and fail, I am not getting any better, and I am not getting any thinner. Good luck to you all in your quest to be thin, I will probably continue to read your blogs, but I need to start over with a new alias and a new blog, a fresh start. I hope I can find what I am looking for.

Willpower Back

Got my willpower back...I feel fucking huge, i just got my period ugh! Which means i am not thin! My parents keep expressing constant surprise at how much food I eat, which has now spurred me on to restrict. Running is going well, stepping up to 4 miles tomorrow.

Today Sucked

So the post below happened and then I purged, and now I am eating biscuits at 11.30 at night. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Its like in public and private I am 2 different people, even my family dont see this side of me, because it only comes out when I am alone. Its getting quite embarrasing aswell. My mum will get in from work and be like wheres all the cereal? I only bnought that box yesterday! I don't pay for the food, so I am ashamed that I demolish it in the way I have in recent weeks, I really need to think about that a lot more.

Anyway, tomorrow is a fresh start, because today I realised that I cannot keep binging and purging, it is not healthy, and I do not want to get into it any further, I want to go back to the good old days of constant restriction, and I need to have structure in my life to do that, so im going to come up with some sort of structure for my weeks, so I know that I am occupied and able to control myself.

I thought of ringing my brother to tell him about all this earlier, but I think he will tell my mum and dad. I am a little scared at the moment though, scared of where I am going, scared of where this will end. I feel like its totally out of my hands at this point. Yet I think that is pretty weak of me, I am stronger than that, and I am stronger than this.


I do not need to eat this junk food, it serves no nutritional purpose, and does not benefit me in anyway. Now when I pick something up, I want to be able to look at it, and question whether it is of benefit to me, and if it isnt then have the strength to put it down.

Tomorrows Plan:

Porridge with Soy milk and blueberries 250
Lunch Carrot sticks with houmous 150
Snacks: Sugar free Jelly 10
Pineapple 50
Dinner Veggie Sausages and Vegetables 300

3 Mile Run

This is it now. If I fail this time, then I am at a loss as to what to do. This is my last chance, last oppurtunity to be thin. Because if i fall down and fail again then I am never going to get to my goals.

Eating Vegan from tomorrow. Fully Vegan. I am fed up of flaking out. Its time to make changes, and I refuse to eat animal products or anything that has come from an animal, that industry is horrific, and I want nothing to do with its continuation. I am also giving up everything with palm oil in, so have to start scrutinizing labels, and I am not eating anything high in sugar. Final New Start. Last Chance Saloon. Have to pick the right road, that is the road to being thin, not average mediocrity.

Grrrrrrrr

I am getting so fed up of this! Literally every time I am alone a binge starts...I can go a few days and then I fail again. I am really annoyed because i have wasted so much of this afternoon eating that i now dont have enough time to run before work.

The damage:
6 Plain digestives
1 Small bar of dairy milk
5 Tiny lindor eggs
A failed batch of pancakes
Some oats with golden syrup
Nutty cereal bar

I feel sickkkkkkk. not eating for the rest of the day now. Im pissed as today was supposed to be a 600 cal day. Im just fed up of starting over, making new plans and failing after 1 day. I used to have amazing willpower, I dont know where it went.

I feel like I am getting worse and worse. I think I am struggling with veganism, so I am going to start over more gradually, so this week I am giving up non-vegan cereals.

17 days with my birthday, need to lose 7 pounds by then, do-able for sure.

119 Pounds

Okay so the damage of the last few weeks cannot have been as bad as I thought (I felt like I was around 126, but this is not so bad) However, I still managed to undo all of January's hard work in getting to 113 pounds, but March is a new month and I am more determined than ever to reach my goal.

Just been for a 3 mile run, it is a lovely day, going to continue with 3 milers this week, then step it up to 4 milers by the weekend, I have only 3 weeks until my 6 mile run now! I am getting a little nervous about it, I have never run that far before.

Intake for today will be somewhere between 1000-1200. Update later.