2011

Goodbye 2010 you have had so many ups and downs, but ultimately I have ended the year in a worse place than when I started in. Anyway 2011 shall begin afresh and I am ready for it to be awesome. Will start to post again when I am 126, see you all soon and happy new year.

I hate Christmas

Hey everyone. I am briefly dropping in to say I am doing really well, pre-Christmas I was almost 127lbs, i dread to think of the damage the last few days has done so I went be weighing for a while. Cannot wait for the 1st Jan, I am going on a mega detox and I shall be back posting with you regularly once I am under 126. See you all soon. Take care.

Away for a while

Weighed myself this morning and I am not impressed at all! I am not allowing myself back on here until I get to 126lbs. So see you all in a while.

Skinny girl starts tomorrow

So this weekend has not been bad, I've just been preparing myself for skinny girl to start tomorrow. Intake has prob been around 1300-1600 for the last 3 days not bad at all.

Friday:
Porridge with peanut butter
Plum
Satsuma
Lettuce
Homemade lentil stew
Almonds
Raisins and dried figs
Tofu with stir fried veg

Saturday:
Peanut butter porridge
homemade lentil stew
2 ryvita crackers with peanut butter
Anniversary meal was not bad at all:
Olives
Half a very thin slice of bread with tiny bit of oil
Rocket
Some bruschetta topping
Penne with tomato sauce with olives and capers (I probably ate like 1/4 of it...go me!)
Majority of a bottle of wine (Hence why I feel shit today!)

Today (Major hangover!)
Peanut butter porridge
Pitta with olives houmous and falafel
Banana
Apple
Bowl of cornflakes
Strawberries
Gooseberries
Carrots, Cauliflower, Sweet potato and Celeriac mash

Actually the last 3 days have not been bad at all! I have no idea what I weigh mind, I will weigh tomorrow morning before the start of the SGD. I really hope to be around 130, but doubt I will be!

It will be the first time I have ever tried the SGD so hopefully it will go well. First day is 400 plus fruit and veggies. Hopefully should be quite busy this week, so I am hoping for a good week. I really need to kickstart my exercise, I haven't done my yoga since Monday! I need to start doing it again, and start running again, once my new running pants arrive. I am getting a bike for Christmas, which is going to be awesome, I haven't had one since I was a kid, so I am really looking forward to that.

I am going to London next weekend and would love to be in the 120's by then. Fingers crossed.

Fasting

Fasting going well, just water and I am almost 12 hours in :) going to bed now. I have to stop losing control like this morning and I think stopping the purging is definitely the way to do it, I suppose eating 2000 calories all day is not the end of the world, just need to make sure it is less if it happens again. Anyway tomorrow I shall break the fast, if I am hungry I will have oatmeal before I go to work but if not I will carry it on for a bit longer and then have some homemade lentil and tomato soup. For dinner tomorrow I am making stir fry for me and my boyfriend, I will just have stir fry veg and tofu though, no noodles for me :) Saturday we are going out as it is our 7 year relationship anniversary! God where did that time go! I will try and order the healthiest vegan thing on the menu, and eat half of it. I am just going to keep this weekend as low as possible and healthy foods and then Monday start skinny girl, lets see how it goes. I am in a good frame of mind to start this right now, I feel enough is enough, really this time I feel super determined, I want to see the 120's again! Have good weekends.

Not easy

I fasted for 20 hours, did not even feel hungry at all but for some reason decided to break the fast with cereal big mistake! I have now consumed about 2000 calories in 2 hours but I am refusing to purge as this just reinforces the binge/purge cycle. Will just have to deal with feeling very uncomfortable and bloated for today! I think this is really the way to break the cycle. I am fasting until 11am tomorrow when I will break my fast when I am in work with soup or a salad and then I am at my boyfriends all weekend so there will be no more binges :)

Todays Binge:
Several bowls of cornflakes with rice milk
Oatmeal
2 homemade vegan peanut butter cups (death)
1 homemade blueberry muffin
Pitta with homous and tofu
Apple

I suck. Anyways I am going to fast until tomorrow then restrict as much as possible all weekend and then start the skinny girl diet on monday. I am hoping to be around 130 by monday!

A letter to bulimia

Dear Bulimia,

                      I don't remember where we first met, in fact I don't remember when we first met or how or why! But I do know this, I remember the place that I said goodbye to you, and that is right here and right now.

You have taken me time, my energy, my money, my self-esteem, my confidence, my body and I have nothing to show for it. I am in a far worse position than when I first met you.

You said you would be the solution, you would make me thin. You can't make me thin, you have left me bloated and puffy and messed up from the inside. Mentally and physically you have left me destroyed.

You have crept into my life and have become more and more of a feature to the detriment of everything else in it. I don't want you to be a part of it any longer.

You were far too easy to get along with and I know that you're going to be far from easy to get rid of, but I am ready for the challenge. This is going to be the toughest thing I have ever done and I am ready for set-backs and failures and I am not going to give in until you are completely out of my life.

I never want to see you again. Thanks for nothing.

MM