Final Countdown

So this is it the final 24 hours of eating unhealthily, to be honest I am pretty fed up with all food right now, so restricting might start early anyway. I don't want to eat anymore, and for me this is a huge step, and a great feeling. I've spent the last 3 years of my life existing off a very limited number of calories, however the last 6 months I have fallen completely off the wagon. I do not remember where or why I started to consume more and more food, and the bad types of food, but I feel like I lost all control over my eating. I have always eaten very healthily, I am very conscious about what I put into my body, but the last 6 months has almost been like I have given up on myself, why would I eat and put so much rubbish into my body, its not even like I could say it tastes nice, because frankly it doesn't. I just cant figure out what happened, the last 6 months are a blur, and a period in my life that I would rather forget. It is time to regain control over my weight and over my life.

I hate Christmas

Why is there so much shit in the house around christmas time, its not that i cant resist it, its not even that it tastes nice, i just want to eat it so that it is gone. Tomorrow is the last day for eating unhealthily, and today I have been shovelling in biscuits and sweets, which is not good at all. However if the christmas period has achieved anything then it is that i have become completely fed up of food, so hopefully this will be beneficial when I start restricting again on the 1st Jan. Cannot wait to start now, just 2 more days...just got to get rid of all this shit food first.

This one's for keeps.

The amount of blogs I have set up in the recent past to catalog my weight problems/loss/exercise etc etc is unreal, yet I have managed to not keep any of them. So this time its different, my resolution shall be to keep this one up for the year, or at least until I reach a point in my life where I feel I have control and feel comfortable enough to not need this anymore.

So my weight journey, well...I was sort of large-ish about 3 years ago or so, at the time I never realised I was big, I look back at photos now and feel repulsed at the sight I see, but I literally did not realise until I lost weight, how big I was. Anyway at my highest I was around 10st 7 getting on for 11st. In my first year of uni I got really sick and lost about a stone in a weekend, I then realised that I looked and felt alot better, and so I started to eat alot healthier, the weight fell off very quickly, and soon I was aiming to get under 9st, it took me a little while but I felt great at finally getting under that barrier, however this was soon not enough and I found myself wanting to get below this, my weight finally plateaued at 8st 4 but I got sick again, and it dropped to under 8st, which felt fabulous, I felt amazing. My lowest weight I then reached was 7st 11, sadly I then rediscovered food, I think in some ways it has been a comfort thing since I finished uni and my brother moved away to uni I have been very lonely. My weight in the last 6 months has shot back up to 8st 11, I am absolutely fed up, and have completely lost control, I have binged at times and have at times also made myself sick to control this. I cannot take the image staring back at me in the mirror anymore, and I feel huge and disgusting. So this is where this is now coming to an end, because I am sick of feeling so out of control.

Christmas has been a bit of a disaster, but this is the end now... so from new years day I am becoming a vegan, partly as a way of being healthier and controlling my weight and also partly because of my hatred for the dairy industry...Anyway enough of that, my goal is to get back to the weight I was, and I will catalog my progress (fingers crossed) on this blog. So there we have it, new years day cannot come soon enough, and i cannot wait to start now.